When people find out your significant other is currently in Afghanistan (or deployed elsewhere!), you get even more questions.
|"Life was meant to be shared."|
How am I doing?
I am good. Really.
When I was a senior in college, my parents got me a necklace that reads the famous Joan of Arc quote, "I am not afraid; I was born to do this." Granted, the necklace was given prior to me dancing for 48 hours to raise money for pediatric cancer--but it's one that I've carried with me ever since.
Prior to Dane deploying, I was a ball of nerves. Would I be okay? Would HE be okay? Would I spend all day crying? Would I have horrible nightmares? Would I get lonely? And my God, the list went on and on and on to the point where I would spend hours at a time crippled by anxiety. THAT was horrible and I'm not afraid to admit up and down that I over-think everything and this was no exception. This went on for a full 6 months, my anxiety gaining momentum with each passing day.
The day Dane left, I cried once. In fact, I felt guilty because of this. I didn't know if how I was acting was normal. Was it okay to not feel crippled by panic? Is it wrong that I'm relieved it's finally happening and the weight of the world isn't sitting on my chest anymore?
And now? Now we're 2 months in and the new "normal" has set in. There are certainly days that are harder than others--I'm not denying that. No, I do not have any children to tend to by myself and yes, I'm grateful to be surrounded by family. The key for me has been staying busy. An idle mind is the devil's playground and busy hands make happy work--or something like that.
The holidays are slowly creeping up and like anything else--I haven't mastered it before, so I'm nervous. I think fear of the unknown is the greatest fear there is. Except for sharks. Nothing is scarier than sharks.
The reality is that one day is only 24 hours, whether that be Christmas, Thanksgiving, your birthday, or otherwise. Anyone can do 24 hours.
Like any other association, the military breeds a community of people that work hard to stay close, empathize, sympathize and just generally become family. I am so blessed to have this community around me and every relationship I've forged brings something different and insightful to the proverbial table. If you're reading--thank you. You've helped me in more ways than you probably know.
And if you've been wondering how I'm doing...? I'm good, I swear. And thankful from the bottom of my heart for everyone who has asked.